Encouragement, Faith, God's Love, Relationships

The Importance of Being Whole Before Marriage

NOTE: I held back releasing this post for a long time. I felt as though I had nothing of use to say regarding the topic. I felt as though I couldn’t give advice on this topic because I’m not married. Then I heard God say “Don’t give them advice from you. Give them advice from ME”.

So I pray if you’re single or dating, something in this blog post ministers to your heart. It’s continuing to minister to mine even as I post. God bless and enjoy!

 

I love the TV show “The Brady Bunch”. I specifically remember that one episode where one of the Brady kids (I forget which) broke a vase while playing ball in the house. It shattered into several pieces. The Brady kids tried to glue the pieces back together again but the vase was never the same. It would never quite be “whole” again.

“In pieces”…..That’s how we sometimes feel after a serious relationship has ended. We cared for someone deeply. They cared for us too (or at least we think and hope they did). For a period of time, your lives were intertwined and it was amazing. But that time comes to an end and you’re heartbroken. Your heart feels as if it’s broken in a million pieces—just like that vase in The Brady Bunch episode.

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If you’ve experienced this kind of pain, let me assure you, you are not alone. So many of us have dealt with this kind of heartbreak. You may have invested a lot of time, effort, and love into that particular relationship that has ended. It’s typical to be unsure about what’s next or how to move on.

Let me offer a bit of encouragement to you if this is you or your situation.  God can put “broken” things back together again. God is a HEALER and a RESTORER. He’s a master craftsmen at making things WHOLE (or whole again).

Aaaaaand, I’ll add that the person that God intended just for you—he or she is still out there!  Unless you feel absolutely called to singleness for the purpose of the Church (yes, this is a thing; please refer to 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 for more), God has an amazing relationship reserved just for you. However, you have to be ready to receive it.

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How can you be ready? I’ll simply say “be whole”.  Be “whole”? What does that mean?

The word “whole” from the Greek words of “holos” and “holokleros” meaning “all, entire and complete”. The Bible references the idea of wholeness in many different instances. In the book of John Chapter 5, we hear Jesus ask an impotent man if he would like to be made “whole”. The man does so Jesus helps me to be (John 5:6, John 5:15). In the book of Luke, we come across the story of 10 men who Jesus healed from leprosy. However, only one of the ten men went back to Jesus and thanked Jesus for this wonderful healing. Jesus then told that one man, “Rise and go. Your faith has made you whole” (Luke 17:19).

From what Jesus says here, it’s as if there is a distinction between being healed and being made whole. A whole person will be complete. A whole person will be confident in Christ. A whole person will have a strong identity and be able to help others find theirs. A whole person actually can be a HELP MATE to a partner because they aren’t confused about who they are and who they belong to. They know they have purpose with or without a relationship and that they play an important part in the Kingdom.

Let’s take a look at some specific characteristics of a “whole” single person, shall we? A “whole” single person:

  • Is content with enjoying their own company
  • Doesn’t need someone else to compliment or validate them to feel good about themselves
  • Is not needy
  • Has interests or hobbies that they enjoy and are passionate about outside of a relationship
  • Doesn’t wait on a future spouse to make life decisions (“Oh I will travel more when I get married” OR “I can’t wait to be married so I can then buy a house”)
  • Is not envious of other people’s relationship
  • Does not sit at home crying on the weekends desperately begging God to send him/her a significant other (I mean that in the most polite way possible)

 

**Can you think of any other characteristics you might add to the list?

 

In today’s society, especially with the millennial generation and under, some people are said to be looking for a whole “snack”— slang for something that visually appealing or appetizing.  “Issa snack” was an actual catch phrase in 2017. (I’m so serious, look it up.. better yet, don’t waste your time. Just trust me lol). However, as you’re dating as Christian single men or women, it’s advisable not to just look for a “whole snack” (something visibly appealing and appetizing) but to instead look for a “whole person” (someone who has inner peace and fulfillment in Christ alone).

Remember this verse, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22

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So allow yourself first to be made WHOLE in Christ before engaging in or pursuing any kind of romantic relationship. I promise, you won’t regret it.

 

Additional Scriptures related to wholeness in Christ:

Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again. God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful.”   1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

 Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart, and with thy whole soul, and with thy whole mind. Matthew 22:37

 When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, “Wilt thou be made whole?” John 5:6

 The man departed, and told the Jews that it was Jesus, which had made him whole. John 5:15

 

 

 

 

 

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9 thoughts on “The Importance of Being Whole Before Marriage”

  1. I can totally relate to this as this was myself before I got married. I was at that heartbroken and hurt state and you do need time to heal and be whole for your future spouse. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish that more churches would speak on this. Somehow in church, we tend to leave single people out almost making them seem like something is wrong with them. I get that marriage is very important being that it represents Christ and the church but aren’t single people part of the church too? I know quite a few of my single Christian friends who struggle with the concept of wholeness simply because it’s not so much of a focus and doesn’t quite know what looks like. I’m glad that you posted about this. This post isn’t for people who are single but also married. TRUST ME, I know quite a few married people struggling with wholeness…Excellent post!

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    1. Great points! I sometimes feel like this too, Lindsey. It can be hard navigating and understanding wholeness in Christ on our own. I pray there’s more of a movement towards discussing it because who you are when you’re single just gets exaggerated when you’re married and many of us aren’t whole in Christ yet. Appreciate you for reading girl! Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hmm…you just gave me an idea. I found this post very profound and I’m so glad that this was brought up as I had to be my own “pioneer” in being content and whole in my singleness as I was often looked over before I got married. It was an excellent post. I love it.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m glad you did post this eventually. There’s some good stuff here. It is very important to be whole and not feel that you need to depend on others for your happiness or to complete you. I know that two incomplete and broken people who come into marriage are just two incomplete and broken people living together. And if we need that other person to fulfil the things that only God can satisfy, then we turn the other person into an idol and we crush them with the weight of enormous expectation on them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert, such great points. I totally agree, especially about idolizing our mate or expecting them to fill voids only God can actually fill. That’s a huge weight like you said. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

      Like

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