Many of us are living it every day. Some of us dreading it. Others are embracing it….. dating as a Christian woman.
If you’re anything like me, you may have taken a break from the dating world for while–emotionally healed from past relationships, improved your physical health, traveled more, grown closer to your families and friends, or established successful careers. Now, we feel it is time— time to get back out there and date again. But you’ve been warned by many friends and families already— the pickings are slim, particularly of men who know HOW to date a Christian woman with standards. Hmmmmmmm, slim you say? Okay, let’s explore dating as Christian women a little further.
In 2003 (dare I say, 15 years ago!), a cute, romantic, comedic movie was released entitled “How to Lose a Guy in 10 days”. The stars of the film were actress Kate Hudson and the dreamy actor Matthew McConaughey. Kate played the role of a magazine columnist whose experiment was to make a guy dump her in 10 days or less. To accomplish this, she did everything that society deemed as “wrong”. She was clingy, she was overly sensitive, too possessive, too talkative, too everything. Pretty much everything that society teaches women that men don’t like— this movie character was.
The movie was very popular and prompted many blog posts and magazine articles about what it took to lose a guy or a girl in about 10 days. Now that I am back in the dating world, particularly as a more dedicated Christian woman, I can absolutely attest that there are huge turn offs that will make me run in the other direction (fast!) of a guy in days (or less). Matter of fact, I can normally tell within the first 2 or 3 conversations whether or not there is something to pursue with a man these days. I owe that to God blessing me with the gift of discernment that I so fervently prayed for over the past year. THANK YOU GOD!
So to the men who are interested in winning the heart of a Proverbs 31 woman or any woman close to the “ruby” so eloquently described in Proverbs 31, take out your pen and pad. Get ready to take some notes because I am going to let you in on some secrets— some ultimate “no-no’s” when pursuing a Woman of God. Ways to lose a Christian Woman in about 10 days (or less!):
- Stay glued to the phone screen while in her presence. You can bet that a Christian woman appreciates attention and mindfulness. She spends a lot of quiet time with God (in reflection, in prayer, and in worship). She understands the importance of putting away distractions and focusing on things that are important to you or focusing on things that you want. If you can’t put away your phone and attend to her conversation and presence for 1-2 hours during a date, how attentive are you letting her know that you can be in an actual relationship, a marriage, or in helping to raise kids? PUT THE PHONE AWAY, GUYS! Matter of fact, put it on ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode when you pick her up for a date or just leave it in the car altogether when you’re out on a date.
- Disregard her interests or hobbies. A Christian woman will have passion. Passion for God but also passion for extracurricular activities. She knows herself well. She knows what she likes to spend her time doing when not in church or at work. (Proverbs 31:27) describes that a Godly woman “watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness”. That means that she isn’t lazy. She keeps herself busy. This is a great quality of a woman of God. Be sure to ask her about what she likes to do and where she likes to go. You never know, you all may end up sharing some of the same hobbies.
- Decline her invitation to worship service. Everyone on a spiritual journey isn’t on the same lap of that particular journey. You will get lots of variation in how frequently people attend worship service, the number of ministries they participate in (if any), and overall how they decide to spend their time with God. Guys, you may not be a man who goes to church every Sunday. That’s ok. But if someone, especially someone you are interested in pursuing, invites you to church service with her— please say yes. Even if it’s not that Sunday or the next Sunday, let her know that you are open to experiencing God with her in the future. It’s not like she is asking you to marry her or meet her parents. She’s inviting you to a place of worship so that you can share in her praise of God. Even friends and coworkers do that sometimes. NO BIGGIE. Just remember to say “sure” when she asks.
- Drink too much. “And be not drunk with wine, where in is excess; but be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). There’s really not too much I can say about being sober and not participating in drunkenness that the Bible hasn’t already covered. (Romans 13:13, Galatians 5:21, Luke 21:34). God’s words, not mine ya’ll. Don’t shoot the messenger! No, but in all seriousness, if you are going to drink, there are tons of commercials that even urge you to “Drink Responsibly”. How can a Woman of God, or any woman, put her trust in you to drive her home, protect her, etc if you can’t even say “that’s enough” to the waitress when you decide to have alcohol? NOTE: If you can’t drink responsibly, maybe there are other things or bad habits you need to spend your time getting in order or eliminating before you decide to date. Just a thought.
- Lie. Ahhhhhhh, Commandment #9— Thou shall not bear false witness. (Exodus 20:16). This is such an overlooked commandment sometimes but it is equally as important as the other ones. Simply put, like your grandmother used to instruct you when you were a little boy—– “don’t tell a tale”. It’s very tacky and you better believe the truth always comes out sooner or later. So if you are contemplating whether or not to lie about your education, your job, your material possessions, or past relationships—– just don’t. A Christian woman will respect your honesty AND she may be more understanding of your not-so-stellar past than you think.
- Be flashy. If God doesn’t like the boastful (2 Peter 2:18) then why should a Christian woman? There is nothing wrong with keeping yourself up and having nice things but talking about them excessively will be a major turn off to a woman of true substance. She knows that the ultimate treasures are in Heaven not in earthly possessions (Matthew 6:19-20). Matter of fact, she will know that whatever you value, there will your priority be. (Matthew 6:21) tells us that “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”. So guys, please be humble as you pursue a relationship with a Christian woman. Even if it doesn’t work out, remember, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5)
- Be immature. “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11) This verse is pretty much self-explanatory. Be sure to act and speak like a man. Enough said.
- Be vague about career goals or ambitions. Ephesians 5 describes that a true man of God will be a good leader of his family as the head of household. What does a leader look like? Well he will be a good provider first and foremost. I’m not sure about anyone else, but I don’t know many billionaires that were born into money and who don’t have to work. The saying is “you don’t work, you don’t eat”. You can add on to that “and your family doesn’t eat either” if you’d like. The point is, a Christian woman wants to know that someone she is dating is capable of being a provider if things were to ever get serious down the line. She may have her own job and her own money, but still, women often like to feel secure in that if one day she doesn’t have what she needs, her man will be able to give it to her. So guys, please be very intentional and articulate your career goals well (and any other ambitions you have for that matter). Believe me, it is super attractive when a man speaks of such things.
Whew! Okay that was a mouth full, yet I could’ve still added other huge “no-no’s” such as “Be indecisive” or “Be too touchy feely”. I think you get the point, though. The bottom line is, there are standards that many women have, but especially Christian women when it comes to serious dating. A Christian woman knows God has promised her a helpmate. Someone who can be a good leader, protector, and provider. Someone with whom she can be equally yoked. (2 Corinthians 6:14). She knows her worth and she will not settle or waste her time on a man who appears not to be in line with what God promised.
So, good luck, men! And as a line from one of my favorite movies, Hunger Games, goes—–“May the odds be ever in your favor”.
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